10 Things Everyone Needs to Know About Domestic Violence 

Twenty years ago, little empirical knowledge about intimate partner violence existed, conceptual explanations for relationship violence were not well thought out, and the perception of domestic violence, at that time, was seen as private, a family problem and personal issue.

Today, we can all benefit from research findings and years of practice experience that were not available two decades ago.

Everyone should be aware of the following:

1. Domestic violence is a common crime.

Like all crimes, the exact number of domestic violence assaults is hard to determine. Research indicates that an assault, at a criminal level, occurs at least once in as many as 25-50% of all marriages. Violence occurs in families from every socioeconomic level, race, education level, and community. As many as 40% of the male population may at some point become violent with an intimate partner.

2. Domestic violence is usually gender based.

Domestic violence is a crime against women. As many as 95% of domestic violence offenses involve male perpetrators and female victims. Women may behave badly in relationships, but they are much more likely to be victims of violence than perpetrators.

Approximately one in four women (23% or 2.2 million) experienced violence by an intimate partner, compared to one in thirteen men (7.8% or 703,700).

Violence also occurs in gay and lesbian relationships, although these incidents may be underreported.

3. It’s about power and control, not just conflict or anger.

One of the earliest conceptualisations of domestic violence was based on a cyclical conflict model known as the “Cycle of Violence.” In her 1979 book, The Battered Woman, Lenore Walker suggested that couples that had experienced violence moved through a predictable sequence of stages or phases. Walker’ book assumed that the violence occurred repeatedly, as a result of the actions of both the man and the woman-that it was the conflict between the two that served as a catalyst for the violence.

In 1986, Ellen Pence and Michael Paymar published Power and Control: Tactics of Men Who Batter. Their approach to battering intervention was developed after listening closely to the stories of battered women, many of whom shared that their stories did not mirror the cycle of violence described by Lenore Walker. The constant theme that runs through the lives of all battered women, is control. That is, their male partners are attempting to control them through the use of a variety of tactics, including the occasional use of violence.

4. Domestic violence harms children.

As many as 70% of batterers are also child abusers. Therefore, the population of men who abuse their partners may also be the same population of men who abuse their children. Witnessing abuse is also harmful to children. Children who are exposed to marital violence may be affected in several ways: 1) they are immediately affected by the trauma of the violence, 2) their normal developmental processes are affected, 3) they live in fear for their mother and themselves and suffer other stress related problems, and 4) violent men are their role models. Later in life, adults who were exposed to marital violence as children may exhibit higher risk levels for many problems, including physical and mental problems, chemical dependency, problems with relationships, including violence, abuse of children, and generalised criminal activity.

5. Not all battered women are helpless and weak, and they are not crazy.

Our society has developed stereotypes of battered women as either weak and pathetic or hysterical and crazy. They are generally neither. Women who are battered by a loved one are not that different from women who are not battered, and may exhibit all types of personality characteristics. People who work with battered women often describe them as being strong, as being survivors, not as weak or crazy.

6. Battered women are often blamed for the violence.

Helping professionals sometimes blame the victims of domestic violence for their predicament, reinforcing other messages that our society sends to these women. Ministers may chastise victims for not being obedient wives. Family members may send the message that “You made your bed, now sleep in it.” The children may blame their mother for failing to protect herself. Employers lose patience with battered women for losing time, and terminate them.

Women who are battered are accused of being “abuseaholics”; that is, blamed for seeking out abusive men. The reality is that violence is much more likely to follow the abuser into subsequent relationships than it is to follow the victim.

7. People with disabilities may be at very high risk for domestic violence.

Persons with disabilities are among the most disadvantaged groups in our society. They are vulnerable to abuse and exploitation, and marginalised in society. They are often dependent on family members and paid caregivers for assistance in daily living, and this high level of dependence may be a fertile breeding ground for abuse.

To complicate matters, battered women with disabilities are often screened as inappropriate for shelter services, and the domestic violence community has not done a good job of serving these clients.

Although it is generally accepted that many more women than men are victims of domestic violence, it is not clear how many men with disabilities may be victimised. Since men with disabilities may be as vulnerable and dependent as are women with disabilities, they also experience a high level of risk for intimate abuse.

8. Economics matter.

Perhaps the two most common questions about battered women are “Why doesn’t she leave?” and “Why did she go back to him?” These are not merely questions; they are statements of blame.

Women’ salaries are significantly lower than men’ salaries. When battered women leave, they usually take the children. Childcare is expensive. The conclusion: battered women are often forced by financial realities to stay with the abuser or return to him. Our society has focused on getting the survivor away from the perpetrator, but we have provided very little in the way of financial assistance to allow her to remain independent.

9. Batterers are not all alcoholic, they can usually control their anger, and they are often charming and manipulative.

Men who batter usually do not have generalised anger or aggression problems. They do not beat up strangers, co-workers, or customers. This suggests that men who batter possess at least average anger control skills. The problem, therefore, is not a deficit in anger control skills. It is an issue of choosing not to use the skills they possess with their intimate partners.

The relationship between alcohol and battering is not clear. Obviously, more violence occurs when people drink alcohol than when people are not drinking, but a causal link between alcohol and violence has not been established. A man who batters and has an alcohol problem must get help with the drinking, but sobriety does not carry a guarantee of non-violence. The two issues may be related in many cases, but perhaps not in a causal way.

10. Social change must be a key component in ending domestic violence.

Domestic violence may occur at the micro level, affecting one family at a time, but it is also a macro problem, calling for interventions at all levels.

During the COVID-19 lockdowns, women in violent relationships were stuck at home and exposed to their abuser for long periods of time, putting them at greater risk of domestic violence. Even without a pandemic, women face the greatest danger from people they know.

As pandemic eases, fatal gender violence worsens in Europe: https://www.france24.com/en/live-news/20210628-as-pandemic-eases-fatal-gender-violence-worsens-in-europe